we can smoke a big bowl

and then screeeeeeew. i was standing out in the park, thinking of a guy i knew for a month, just about four years ago. looks like he's the stud du jour. de jour? if only i had been stoned that one chance i had where he made the blunted move ever, then i probably could have had the screwing of a lifetime. movie star muscles, hometown attitude. i could have eaten him right off the cob. for some reason he's dancing around in my head.

you know, smoking weed and feeling high is pretty great. in moderation.

moderation, kids.

i feel like my increasingly sore hip muscle is like an alarm going off, my body reacting to something in my life that's 'pinching' me, emotionally, spiritually. but what is it? my visit to a place beloved, have i fallen under the same spell again? will i be able to see clearly this time?

yadda yadda yadda. blah blah blah.

sometimes when i wonder about voldemort, or i wonder about pills, i usually just put the two together. i wonder which ones he took? i wonder if this is how he felt. we had such an identical upbringing. we're a bizarre transcription of each other, in a way. i just never think of him when i'm sober, but i think that i'm thinking about him all the time that i'm stoned. you know, maybe we were supposed to be stoner buddies but turned into this manipulative saga instead. maybe we were supposed to be stoner buddies in a basement in london for a while. but he is really into unhappy girls because he's learned 'unhappy' from his mom, and he derives the best social pleasure out of making women happy. not necessarily because it's his sentiment, but just for the ego rush of 'because he can.' 

wow, who needs crack cocaine when you have cocoa crispies? i love the latter.

haha, now i'm thinking about twin girls in my junior high school. they hated each other, and for some reason, they came to mind. i remember realizing there were two 'of them' considering there were 800 kids in my class. i asked one 'do you have a twin sister?' she said, 'no, but i have a dog.' ugh. i then realized the twin was in my other class, and i asked her if she had a twin or at least a sister, and she said 'no, but i have a dog.' wow, they can't even come up with individual insults. they hate each other so much, and it's the biggest public display of self-loathing ever. haha, now that's even funnier.

mmm even more crack cocoa crispies.

it's usually not about love. the main themes of peoples' lives aren't necessarily love related, although a strong majority believe so. now i'm thinking that when you die and 'go to heaven' or just get back in touch with those who have also passed, you don't necessarily spend all your time with your spouse of your previous incarnation. your friends on a spiritual plane together, got to encounter each other in this incarnation, did whatever they had to do, and eventually passed back into the spiritual realm. i do believe that we pick the major players in our lives before we incarnate -- you're both working on certain lessons and have agreed to meet while alive and do who knows what. i think we pick both the dear old friends, and the fresh nemeses.

damn, the 8 ball won't give me answers anymore. i asked my question and then turn the answer panel up, but the message thing in the middle never comes up to the surface anymore. i need important answers. i just don't want to see c and think ' here we go again.'