when my muse is my nemesis

he was right, we don't have much in common. i don't actually like rap music and fashion, he doesn't really care about traveling or providing personal humanitarian aid to those in need. he's not the kind of guy to get his hands in the earth, he prefers his ivory tower. he's probably into manicures, gets his nails buffed or something.

if i'm so over him, why him as a topic? because i've been thinking of v lately, and noticing this new thought. he was gone, now he's back, oh my. just because he's coming to mind does not mean that he's allowed to come bother me again. why i would want to be in contact with him again? if there's anything i need to work out about that experience, i can do it on my own with out consulting him.

the only thing i need to do is answer this: if i want to talk to him, what exactly is it that i want to say? the only thing that comes to mind is to give him an open invitation to come smoke weed with me the next time he's in town. 

yea... but why?

maybe i want to tell him what heinous thing i did? not to say i did anything lots of other people in my situation would do. the thing i fear is that i'm craving a certain inspiration, a particular kind of muse. an orator, one who inspires confidence exactly as the recipient wants it so. flatter my wildest dreams, banish my insecurities.

my nemesis, still a muse? i can't accept a muse who is my nemesis, it will only feed narcissism,