i miss being woken by church bells

i have a hunch c will wake up to exactly that when it becomes morning there. where he is. which is not here.

i have significant swings in opinion about how i feel about c. from time to time, i think of all kinds of wonderful, gaining excitement. but other times i take a step back and look at myself. am i really doing this? am i correctly answering a trick question?

those other times when i'm not all kinds of wonderful, my feelings towards c are pretty ambivalent. 

life is a game; we're all playing.

i'm feeling isolated and even my stream of universal news is running quiet, slow. i try to fill myself with the music. the weed allows me to study my thoughts in peace. i think this is only a phase or brief era. i might not really have any alone time once i do create my tribe, if that is indeed what i choose to do. then i might not get many moments alone!