p as a gladiator

standing out in the park, thinking of how p took latin as his second language requirement in high school. there's something exquisitly nerdy about that, punctuated by how un-nerdy p acts. his group of friends are the small town deliquents. not complete badasses, but not complete poseurs. not country-ish, but not nascar-ish either. they do their fair share of drugs, fighting, and random stupid shit. binge drinking, hockey and video games are a constant. p is the brains of the organization, but not the alpha male. he fits in, makes sure not to stand out. a loyal pack member.

it's this question-less dedication to his pack that annoys and disappoints the hell out of me about p.

now i'm annoyed at myself for now recalling the annoying instead of the pleasurable aspects of my thoughts of p. standing in the park, thinking of p learning latin in high school -- was this part of his inspiration to attend law school? completely unrelated?

i chose the path of more fun and envisioned p saying things like 'i have fond memories of ancient rome.' the visual is p in a cartoon profile, taking a bite out of large chunk of time, his slab of time reading roman empire. a literal taste of the time. i can picture him in a simple white toga, sandals, a laurel wreath-like crown hair edging his dome. [one of the things i like best about p was that while he was clearly early on the road to hair loss, i could picture him with no hair on the top and i still thought he looked hot. that looked like a keeper to me.]

if i'm going to fantasize about some guy, why not make it a fantasy i really enjoy? if i want p to be a gladiator, so what? that's what's great about getting stoned -- allowing myself to dream whatever i want. it's a positive experience. 

maybe p as an ancient scholar. his fundamental wisdom stems from ancient knowledge [but he's still a contemporary soul who's dealing with its own purposes, choices and consequences]. i'm intrigued and turned on by his intellectual ability; i find his face very pleasing and i've come to realize i would still feel attracted to him after loosing his hair. i'm so into his head; weird. he's a certain denomination of christianity -- not quaker, but not mormon either. they have a belief in pacifism, and i'm wracking my brain trying to remember what it was called. it's a belief in leading a simple life--

mennonite. 'a member of an evangelical protestant sect, originating in 16th century europe, that opposes infant baptism, practices baptism of believers only, restricts marriage to members of the denomination, opposes war and barring arms, and is noted for simplicity of living and plain dress.' 

why do i keep distracting myself from thinking of p as a gladiator. why and i looking up the definition of mennonite?

maybe if i allow myself to think of him in pleasurable (gladitorial) ways, i'll remember that i'm missing him but am hesitant to try contacting him again.