i don't really know how to just put it away... how to start pretending it doesn't exist. i no longer have any chance of going back there, i certainly will not see him again in the near future. i need a new direction, i need to stop going through these paces just because they're the only thing i know. i need to rid myself of the influence c has.
i told him i've been thinking, writing and dreaming. he asked if that's helped me any, and in what way he means that, i don't know. i simply said that i was waiting for the answer to 'fall out of the sky any day now.' he asked 'what's the question?' and i bantered, 'what isn't?'
i hate how he always bounces back everything i say as a question, see how he likes it when i do it to him. he may be the most honest person in the world, but i just don't trust his lack of disclosure. everything out of his mouth is a question or a clever quip; he's essentially saying nothing. god, no wonder his chinese princess dumped him over lack of communication -- i apparently speak the same native language as he, and even i have no idea what he's talking about.
i accidentally slammed him in the end -- he said he needed to sign off chat soon because he was all chatted out from his day. i responded 'signed onto chat when you're all chatted out, huh,' and signed off.
i'm pretty good at being bitchy.
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